


A Luxury Not Afforded

by katebishoop



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Tag, Family Issues, Ficlet Collection, Galtean, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Rants, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, dumb dorks in love, how is it not obvious, keith is sass and keith is done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-03-26 01:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13847175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katebishoop/pseuds/katebishoop
Summary: A collection of Keith and Sheith centric ficlets inspired by season 5. Spoilers.1. Keith finds out a little bit more about his family, and so does the team. (Keith & Team; angsty humor)2. Keith is with the team when they go to the White Lion. He's DoneTM. (Keith; humor)3. "Wait, you mean Shiro's Keith?" The Holt men's reaction to learning that Keith is in space. (Shiro & Keith through Matt & Sam; humor)4. Something's up with Shiro... Keith hopes he's wrong. (Shiro/Keith, clone theory; angst)5. A family reunion should not start with take your child to work day (Keith & Krolia; angst)





	1. keith & mom telenovela

**Author's Note:**

> SEASON 5 DESTROYED ME.
> 
> Between episodes 5 and 6.

“Kolivan!” Krolia shouted, pushing her way towards him. She was much smaller, but she was a towering presence. “Why in Gal’s name did you send Keith after me?”

Kolivan blinked down at her. “It was the only way to assure that you would come back alive.”

Krolia punched him in the face. Kolivan’s head snapped to the side but he didn’t reel back. She hit him again, and again, but Kolivan remained planted.

“Are you quite finished?” Kolivan asked.

Krolia punched him again. “Now I’m done.”

Keith’s mind was racing at a thousand miles a minute, and he struggled to catch up.

“Wait…” Keith said, and the two Galra turned to him. “Kolivan… you knew? But…”

“I had a suspicion.” Kolivan said.

Krolia looked like she was going to strike him again. “So you took a gamble on your nephew?”

_ Nephew? _

“Kolivan’s my…” Keith said. What the quiznak. What the-

“Kolivan is my brother.” Krolia said, and she laid a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “He is your uncle.”

Keith turned from his mo- from Krolia’s face down to her hand on his shoulder. He reeled back pushing her off. 

“No-” Keith took a step back. “You don’t get to- you  _ left- _ ”

“I did, yes.” Krolia said. “I will not do it again.”

“You don’t get to decide that now!” Keith shouted. He turned to Kolivan. “I trusted you! I trusted you and you lied-!”

“I have never lied to you-”

“Not telling me the truth is the same as lying!” Keith yelled. His chest heaved. This was all too much, too much going on-

Keith ran.

* * *

“We have a hail from Kolivan.” Coran said. “Patching him through.”

Kolivan appeared on the screen, stoic as ever, but Hunk could still sense an edge. “Paladins, has Keith returned to you?”

“Keith?” Allura asked. “No? Was he supposed to?”

Kolivan was silent. “If he returns to the Castle, please inform me.” And then he was gone.

“Okay…” Lance crossed his arms. “That’s weird. What has mullet gotten into this time-”

Another hail appeared on screen, audio only

It was Keith. “Permission to dock.” 

“Keith, what’s going on?” Shiro asked. “Kolivan just called-”

“Don’t tell him I’m here.” Keith snapped, then sighed. “Just trust me… I’ll explain when I get in.”

“Meet us in the lounge.” Shiro said.

“Copy that.” Keith said, and the weariness in his voice worried Hunk.

Things were just starting to go right - what could possibly happen now?

* * *

When Keith entered the lounge, he still had his mask up. When he turned it off, Hunk’s anxiety jumped through the roof. Keith looked ragged, red around the eyes, like he’d been crying-

Hunk was so thankful they hadn’t let Lotor sit in on this.

“Keith, what’s wrong?” Shiro asked. “Why don’t you want us contacting the Blade of Marmora? Are they not aligning with Lotor-”

“No, no.” Keith shook his head. It reminded Hunk of a pendulum, weighted and slow. “I just… I quit. I left the Blades. Kolivan doesn’t agree.”

What? That doesn’t sound right. Keith fought so hard to join the Blades, he left the team for them, why-?

“But why?” Hunk blurted out, then clamped his mouth shut before he started rambling.

Keith squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t trust Kolivan anymore - on a personal level. He’s fine for the coalition…” Keith straightened up. “I know there’s no place for me in Voltron anymore, but I can still be of help here. I can infiltrate-”

“Keith.” Shiro cut him off. “Your standing with Kolivan is crucial. For everyone’s safety, we need to know-”

“It’s personal-”

“Nothing’s personal in war.” Shiro said, and that took everyone back.

Keith got quiet. “Fine? You want to know?” Keith clenched his fists. “Kolivan has been lying to me since I joined, okay?” Keith’s voice steadily got louder and louder, angrier. “He knew who my mother was! This whole time he knew who she was, and where she was and didn’t tell me!”

“How-”

“Cause he’s my uncle, apparently!” Keith threw his arms up in the air. “He sent me on a mission to extract a spy not telling me that it was my mother who I was rescuing, after getting a lecture on-”

“Keith.” Shiro tried to intervene. “Hold up-”

“I’m going to bed.” Keith shouted, and all the energy left him. “Don’t tell Kolivan I’m here. I’m still… processing if you couldn’t tell.”

The room was quiet, but a few nods confirmed Keith’s wish. He trudged off to his room, leaving the team to themselves.

“Holy quiznak.” Lance muttered. “Mullet’s life is a space telenovela I swear to god…”

_ “Lance.” _


	2. keith is galtean, oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in season 5 ep 6, but ep 5 Keith stuff hasn't happened.

When Keith wanted to go with the Blades to hunt down Lotor, he never thought he’d end up babysitting the Prince. Technically, he was the liaison between the Blades and Voltron, and now by extension Lotor. There’s no way the Blades are going to trust Lotor yet enough to communicate directly with him.

Keith could see why, considering Lotor was trying to talk the team into flying into something that was only an unproven theory on Earth, all to find the Altean equivalent of Narnia.

“You know what  _ Narnia  _ is?” Lance mouth hung loose, and Keith wished a gnat would fly in there.

Keith rolled his eyes. “I didn’t grow up under a rock, Lance.”

“No, just the middle of the-”

“ _ Enough _ .” Shiro snapped. There were wrinkles between his brows now, and his eyes looked a bit glazed. “Get to your Lions.”

* * *

They had lost contact with Voltron, and everything was going batshit, because it always did, and then-

Coran gaped at Lotor. Lotor turned to him. “What?”

“You…” Coran said. “You have Altean markings.”

Lotor turned enough that Keith saw his face - and yeah, there were glowing marks under Lotor’s eyes, a brilliant lavender.

“The Mark of the Chosen.” Lotor muttered. When he looked at Keith, his eyes went so wide there wasn’t that much yellow left. “It seems I’m not the only one.”

Coran was starting at him too, mouth impossibly lower.

“ _ What? _ ” Keith asked. “What are you…”

Keith caught his reflection in one of the consoles. Staring back at him were two purple Galra eyes, and two red  _ Altean  _ markings underneath them.

* * *

Keith completely zoned out after seeing the marks clear on his face. The lights went out around him, the team returned, but he still sat down in his old chair, his head in his hands. Maybe if he applied enough pressure the marks would just go back under his skin.

“There are different types of Alteans.” Keith finally tuned back into the conversation. “Allura and I have a deep connection to ancient Altean alchemy. It appears your Blade does as well.”

The bridge erupted into noise.

“Wait-”

“What-”

“Huh-”

“No-”

Keith groaned and lifted his head out of his hands. He imagined the red the of the markings like blazing Kill Bill sirens. A warning - kind of mockery too, considering Red used to be his…

And, just like last time Keith revealed to the team that he was part alien, Lance was the one to break the silence.

“Your Galra  _ and  _ Altean?” Lance screeched. “What!? Are you even  _ human _ ?”

Keith jumped up. “I don’t know!” He shouted. “I don’t know anything about myself, for fuc-”

“ENOUGH.” Shiro ground out. How was it even possible for him to look even more ragged? “Keith has to be at least some human, or he wouldn’t have passed the Garrison’s medical tests. Now, let’s get back to the matter at hand.”

“We will need to enter the White Hole to get the power to reboot the castle.” Lotor said. “The White Lion is a guarding, and only those chosen Alteans can enter. Allura and I must go alone.” Lotor tilted his head towards Keith. “And, the Blade too, I suppose.”

“Uh.” Hunk raised his hand. “His name’s not Blade you know, it’s Ke-”

“Am I going to have to go through another trial?” Keith asked, groaning. Why was his life like this.

“There will most likely be a test of worthiness, yes.” Lotor said.

Keith scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sure. Fine then. Let’s get this over with.”

“Excuuuuuuuse me?” Lance threw his hands up. “You’re about to go to alien Nirvana or whatever and you’re-”

“Let’s just go.” Keith clicked their mask back on. The more he finds out about himself, the more questions he gets. And now he’s some awkward third wheel to Lotor and Allura and Lance hates him again and Shiro looks so tired and Keith’s just Done.

Fuck Narnia.


	3. shiro's keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #shiroloveskeith #keithpunchediverson #shiroskeith

Pidge cannot contain herself. She bounced all over the walls as she showed her brother around the castle. Showed him everything from her room to her chair to each weird little quirk she’s discovered over the past few months.

“This is all so amazing, Pidge.” Pidge felt proud when she saw the wonder in her brother’s eyes. “But, I do have one question - why does Lance, the Blue Paladin, pilot the Red Lion and Allura a… Pink Paladin… pilot the Blue Lion? What happened to color coordination?”

“Oh it used to be coordinated!” Pidge supplied helpfully. “It used to be even more mixed up. Keith was the Red Paladin and when Shiro went missing again Keith flew Black and Lance flew Red and Allura became Blue’s paladin. But then we found Shiro and Keith left-”

“Wait - wait.” Matt held up both his hands. “Keith? Shiro’s Keith?” Pidge raised an eyebrow and Matt started making incoherent gestures with his hands. “Like, a head shorter than Shiro? Impossibly good at _everything_? Purple like Mary-Sue anime eyes? Shiro and he orbit each other like lovesick puppies-”

“Woah woah woah __. _”_ Pidge said. “What do you mean _anime_ eyes?”

Matt groaned. “Shiro would always be like-” Matt cleared his throat, and when he spoke his voice was deeper. “'- _his eyes look violet in the light._ '”

Pidge adjusted her glasses. “I mean, they are kind of purple. He’s part Galra, so-”

“WHAT?” Matt yelled, and the force of it nearly toppled her backward. “He’s an _ALIEN_?” Matt melted to the floor. “Oh my God. He is a Mary Sue. He’s literally… how is he even _real_.”

“Get up, dork.” Pidge kicked her brother’s leg. “When he comes back from his super secret Galra spy mission you better now be weird.”

Matt muttered something more, and all Pidge caught was ‘super spy’ and ‘god damn’ and ‘shiro’-

“Oh wait?” Pidge blinked down at her brother. “What do you mean by  _ Shiro’s  _ Keith?”

Matt lifted his hands above his head, not looking at her. He wasn’t really talking to her either. “How can they not know? How can they not…”

* * *

“I’ll be going back to Earth.” Her father announces to the team. “The Garrison needs to be warned and prepared in case the worst is to come. Is there anything you’d like me to bring back?”

“We’re in the process of recording messages for our families now.” Hunk said. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with Keith, so he could too, but-”

“Wait.” Her father said. “Keith? Shiro’s Keith?”

Lance’s face scrunched up. “What-?”

“Shiro’s Keith?” Her father repeated again. “Smallish-lad? Best pilot of the Garrison? Shiro’s best friend? The boy Shiro brought to the Kerberos launch-”

“Woah woah woah.” Lance held up both hands, jaw falling to the floor. “Keith got to go to the Kerberos launch!? What the quiznak!?!”

Her father pushed up his glasses on his nose. “Oh course Keith would come to the Kerberos launch. Shiro loves Keith.”

“WHAT-” Hunk yelped. “-do you mean by that?”

Her father blinked at him. “It means exactly what it says.”

“But-”

The doors opened, and Shiro entered. He raised an eyebrow at the group. “Commander Holt, I thought you would have left by now. I’m glad I didn’t miss you.”

“I was just saying my final goodbyes to the team.” Her father nodded. “Give my best to Keith, would you Shiro?”

Shiro looked surprised. “Of course.” He nodded. “And I’m sure Keith would like you to give his best to Iverson.”

It was her father’s turn to be surprised. “I’ll find out when I ask Iverson, won’t I…”

Shiro nodded. “He’ll look a little different than the last time we saw him, I’ve been told."

Her father nodded. "Well - Matt, Katie, walk your old man down to the pods? I've kept your mother waiting long enough."

As her and her family were walking down to the pod bay, her father and brother traded exasperated expressions.

"How could they not know?" Matt whined.

Her father gave a large shrug. "They didn't spend months locked on a small ship with Shiro and not much else to talk about."

"Yeah, but they've spent months aboard this castle, with _both_ of them, and their minds melding and they still don't know!" Matt exclaimed. "It's the most obvious thing in the world!"

Her father gave a smug smile. "Remember, it's not obvious to those two, either."

Matt groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "That's the most infuriating part..."

No, Pidge thought, the most infuriating part was not knowing what the fuck was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning the next one is going to be Angst like the angsty title of this collection is in reference to the next one.


	4. clouded judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of this written when I posted the last ficlit. Then I got to a part where I needed to look up quotes in an episode, and I said eh I’ll do that later. WELL IT’S LATER. Also. Problem, is that I Do Not Remember what the plan was for this, and I was about 1k words in when I stopped months ago…
> 
> So… yeah.
> 
> This was supposed to be the last one but after the trailer I got inspired again and finished this and wrote another thing.

_ Keith, you cannot allow your feelings to cloud your judgement.” _

_ “I wouldn’t-!” _

_ “You have in the past. Remember, the mission is the only thing that matters. Emotions are a luxury we cannot afford.” Kolivan turned back to the screen. “I think it is time that you returned back to Voltron.” _

_ “You’re benching me-?” _

_ “You will be the Blades’ liaison with the new Galra empire. I do not trust their communications systems, and we must be wary. You will be the leeway point.” Kolivan turned to him. “Go.” _

* * *

No one was there to greet Keith when he docked with the cancel. He got a quick acknowledgement from Coran over the comms, but that was it. Apparently the team was aboard the Galra HQ ship. He’d join them soon.

Everything was exactly like Keith had left it in his room. His bed, made. His Earth clothes, hanging on the wall. And that was it. The Red Paladin armor was back in its case, and Lance had the red bayard. All that he’d brought with him that really mattered had been his blade.

His leather jacket felt strange under his hands; too soft, in a way it had never felt before. Now that he’s here, Keith’s not sure why he came. He shouldn’t be in his civilian clothes, and he’d feel even more out of place in his Paladin armor. 

Keith went into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. He looked a lot more haggared than he felt, and once again he was thankful for the mask.

Keith sighed. It was time to rejoin the team - sort of.

* * *

Keith made sure that the team could hear him coming. They were all on the bridge - Hunk, Pidge, Lance, Allura, Shiro, and Lotor. Now that they all were standing next to each other, it was easier to see just how tall Lotor was compared to everyone else.

“You can lose the mask, Mullet.” Lance greeted him. Keith supposed that the nickname should be a welcome return to old times, but it stung worse than before. It also may actually be true now; Keith’s hair has grown a lot since Keith last saw the team. “We’re on the same side now.”

Keith gave an over exaggerated eye roll before he lowered his mask and hood.

“Lotor, this is Keith.” Allura said. “He used to be the Red Paladin, before joining up with the Blade of Marmora.”

“Keith…” Lotor tested the name on his tongue. “You were also the Black Paladin briefly, yes? My generals had given me a report after they fought you.”

Keith glared at Lotor. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Now that introductions are out of the way, we need to get back to business.” Shiro said, and Keith almost flinched. He’d only seemed to grow colder by the day, and it was showing. But last time he had asked Shiro about it… “Coran and I are going to cross reference the maps. Allura and Lotor are going to do some research on Altean Alchemy.” Shiro glanced over at the rest of them, and it sent chills down Keith’s spine. “The rest of you, take a break. You’ve earned it.”

Keith was here on a mission. “Shiro, I-”

“We don’t need you right now, Keith.” Shiro said, curtly. “We’ll get you if we do.”

Keith’s shoulders slumped. Shiro was still distant, annoyed, dismissive. He was still a Shiro that Keith barely recognized. He thought time apart may help, but…

“Take us to the sentry repair center!” Hunk yelled, and Keith finally looked over at them. “You too, Keith! We’re teaching these robots how to have fun!”

Keith sighed. “I’m here on official business-”

“Oh come on.” Lance rolled his eyes, and grabbed Keith’s arm. “Seems like we gotta teach you how to have fun too.”

Keith didn’t fight back like he normally would have. Shiro’s demeanor unnerved him, uprooted him, and anything familiar - even Lance’s annoying self - is a welcoming sight.

* * *

He thought that Pidge and Hunk and Lance would be able to cheer him up, just a bit. He did miss them. He missed Hunk’s cooking and warm self. He missed Pidge’s enthusiasm. But seeing them like this, in their paladin armour while he was in his Blade armour, only made him wistful.

Lance’s stories of all their adventures didn’t exactly help either.

“Dude, Allura has this like sick magic that let me punch through the forcefield on Naxela.” Lance was doing a lot of hand gesturing that Keith didn’t really understand. “And we did the COOLEST thing! We all put our bayards in at one time and ended up on this weird plane and we were all glowing…” Keith rubbed at his eyes. He’s finally going to give up, and slip away, when Lance said something that peaked his interest. “Shiro was like, calling out to me but he doesn’t remember anything? It was weird. He didn’t appear at first he-”

“What happened to Shiro?” Keith’s head snapped up. “What was wrong?”

“Better question: what  _ isn’t _ wrong with Shiro.” Lance muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Keith said, defensively. Shiro was acting strange but that didn’t change Keith’s loyalty to him.

“He’s got a stick up his butt, that’s what.” Lance said, crossing his arms. “He keeps snapping over the littlest things.”

Keith opened his mouth, but Pidge interrupted. “I know what you’re going to say Keith, but I’m with Lance.” Pidge nudged her glasses. “Shiro’s just been…  _ angrier  _ than usual.”

“Yeah, he’s under a lot of stress, it’s really messing with him.” Hunk said.

“It’s more than that.” Lance huffed. “He went behind our backs and gave Lotor his bayard! He went behind our backs and took Lotor to the Kral whateva!” 

What…

That would explain why Shiro was at the Kral Zera, specifically when Kolivan had told him that Voltron wouldn’t be there. But… going behind the team's backs? Being secretive? Shiro, his Shiro, would trust his team with his life. Trust was how Voltron came together, trust was…

“He even pulled the ‘I’m the leader so you have to listen to me’ card.” Lance said. “I know he’s not our enemy, but he’s really starting to act like Iverson…”

_ “Make a decision!” _

_ “You need to be dedicated to the team.” _

_ “Keith, stop.” _

_ “Enough, Keith.” _

_ “Sorry I had to step in there.” _

_ “You’re trying your best. Your best isn’t good enough.” _

_ “You’re only thinking of yourself, as usual.” _

_ “Just give up the knife!” _

_ “Then you’ve chosen to be alone.” _

_ “You know I don’t feel that way? What that… vision said. I’m with you Keith You’re my best friend, Keith.”  _

_ “I’ll be with you until the very end.” _

No.

No?

“He hasn’t gotten better?” Keith said, his thoughts spinning, memories and holograms blurring together. “I figured he was just angry with me, and if I left he’d…?”

Hunk put the gears he was working on down and looked at Keith with wide eyes. “That’s why you left? You thought Shiro...”

Lance snorted. “He’s just as high-strung as ever.”

“You knew him back at the Garrison, right Keith?” Pidge asked. “The stories I heard about him have him as so different. But I guess that’s what trauma does to you. He’s been captured by the Galra twice now, and we have no idea what was done to him the second time.” Pidge sighed. “Sometimes his eyes get all glassy, and he gets jumpy. He might be having flashbacks…”

Lance shrugged. “Sometimes - rarely, like once - I think we’d be better off with you in Black. But don’t take that as a compliment, you still were a...”

_ Better off with you in Black _

“...cocky son of a- hey where are you going?” Lance yelled after him. “Keith, where the quiznak are you going?”

* * *

“Coran, I can finish the data entry for the maps.” Shiro said. “You should go check on the Princess.”

Coran nodded. “I know we’re on Lotor’s side now, but I just don’t like her being alone with him…”

Coran’s footsteps echoed out of the large room. It was just Shiro now.

And Keith, hidden high up in the rafters. 

Shiro was acting normal with Coran. He was acting normal now. Doing cross references and data entry. 

The snake in Keith’s gut twisted guiltily. Spying on Shiro? Even thinking that Shiro could…?

If he was wrong, Shiro would forgive him, he’d understand… or the Shrio he once knew would. If he was wrong, and he was caught, this would be the end.

If he was right… Keith didn’t know what he’d do if he was right.

He had to bite the bullet. Rip off the band-aid. Figure it out before his heart exploded in his chest.

Keith slipped back into the shadows.

* * *

Shiro turned as soon as the door opened for Keith.

“What are you doing here?” Shiro asked, a slight edge to his voice.

“I ran into Coran.” Keith lied. “Figured I’d see if you needed any help.”

“If you ran into Coran, you’d know I didn’t need any.”

Keith shrunk back and rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re right, I…” Keith gulped. “I wanted to see you. I need to talk to you.”

Shiro crossed his arms. “Is this about Lotor? We can trust him now, you-”

“No no, it’s not about Lotor, or the mission.” Keith shakes his head. The words are stuck in his throat. “It’s about us. You and me.”

“We don’t have time for this when there’s a war going on.”

“I know it’s just… after you came back, you were so different. I want to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m more determined than ever to finish this war.” 

“It’s just, the way you’ve been acting towards me…” Keith said. “Did I do something? Did I do something wrong?”

Shiro sighed. “Keith, you need to stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on the team.”

Strike one.

Keith shrunk back a little, but he had to keep going. “It’s just we were so close, you said you’d always be there if-”

“Just give it up.”

Shrike two.

“You chose to be alone.”

Strike Three.

Keith was left stunned, as once again he saw Shiro walk away from him. And once again, that wasn’t Shiro.

_ As many times as it takes. _

Keith spun around. “Shiro, wait!”

But this time, Shiro stopped.

“Keith…” Shiro shook his head. “I’m sorry.” Shiro turned around, and his eyes looked like he meant it. “Things are so stressful, and I don’t know… I don’t know how to be myself anymore.”

Shiro scrubbed his human hand over his face. “And when I see you…” Keith could see a tear pricking in the corner of Shiro’s eyes. “I’m reminded that I’ll never be the person I was once. I’m never going to be that person again. I’m not the man you think I am. I’m a monst-”

Shiro sunk to his knees, and all caution wind Keith ran over and crouched down in front of him. Keith was wrong, he was wrong-

“Shiro, Shiro listen to me.” Keith held onto the sides of his face, trying to get him to look up at him. “I’m never giving up on you, okay? We’re in this together. Always have been.”

Shiro buried his face in Keith’s neck. And Keith could feel the tears he’d been trying to hide start to bubble through.  “You’re not a monster. You never gave up on me, I won’t give up on you. And you’d be crazy to think if I was going to let you give up on yourself.”

Shiro held on tighter. "I knew I could count on you."

"I told you, Shiro." Relief flooded Keith. "As many times as it-"

_ takes. _

Keith gasped, the air pulling out of his lungs like the vacuum of space.

Shiro pulled back, and Keith's able to see what he's feeling. Shiro's metal arm, alight, deep in his gut.

"Sh-Shiro?" Keith managed to get out through the copper in his mouth.

"You just couldn't stay away, could you?" The iciness in Shiro - no, not Shiro, not Shiro - chills him to the bone. Keith cried out as the imposter twisted his hand in his gut. "You'd have lived longer if you'd stay with the blades."

Keith spat blood. " _Where's Shiro_?"

The imposter laughed. "I'm Shiro, the Black Paladin of Voltron." He yanked his hand out of Keith and stood up, leaving Keith on his knees.

" _WHERE IS HE?_ " Keith's anger, his adrenaline, was the only thing keeping him going. 

The imposter grabbed him by the neck. "I can see why he loved you." He said. "Such fire. Too bad I have to snuff it out."

There was a hint of yellow in the eyes of the monster that wore Shiro's face. He squeezed his grip, and Keith's vision blurred.

_ He loved you _

Keith screamed, and his vision went black.

* * *

The bright lights of the castle make Keith think that he's dead.

He fell forward and landed in warm, strong arms.

"Shiro?" His words come out scratchy.

"Try not to talk, okay?" Hunk. It's Hunk. "The healing pods can't do much for vocal cords."

Healing pod-?

"Shiro!" Keith tried to push himself off Hunk. "Where- We need to find-"

"Keith- Keith hold on." Hunk guided him down to sit on the stairs. "Don't overwork yourself. You've been in there a while."

"How long?"

"Two days." Hunk rubbed Keith's back. "Lance and Pidge and I walked in while he... while that thing had you by the throat."

Keith swallowed hard, and it burned.

"We had no idea what was going on - but Shiro wouldn't do that, he wouldn't hurt you." Hunk said. "We called for Allura and Lotor, and then all hell broke loose."

"Hunk." Keith said. "Where is he?"

Hunk looked away. "Dead." 

"How?"

"Lotor."

Keith can picture it - Lotor's sword through Shiro's chest, Shiro dying on the floor- No. Not Shiro. That thing wasn't Shiro.

"Do we... do we have any idea what it was?" Keith's heart rate is rising. What if Shiro had just been mind controlled? And they'd killed-

_He loved you_

"Coran... autopsied it." Hunk said, like it made him sick to think about. "It's carbon date was only a year old. It was a clone. Lotor thinks Haggar was controlling it."

His mind was racing about a million miles an hour. Shiro. Clone. Not-Shiro. Haggar. He _loved_ you. Dead. Dead. Dead. A call, a pull, a familiar pull.

Keith stood.

"Keith - woah, you need to rest."

"No." Keith shook his head. He hadn't found Shiro. He was still out there. He'd failed him. "I need to find Shiro."

Keith headed for the Black Lion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shrug emoji
> 
> last will be posted tomorrow night - a real promise this time, since it's done, and just on my phone


	5. Not to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off that tiny glimpse of take your child to work day from the trailer

Emotions are a luxury that Keith can't afford.

Krolia is not his mother. She is not the woman he grew up fantasizing about, longing for, dreaming of finding. 

She is a Blade of Marmora. So is he, and they have a war to fight.

"Keith-"

"Don't." He says, through gritted teeth. "Don't call me that."

He couldn't tell the expression on Krolia's face. The more he looks at her the more he feels like he's looking in a mirror. The chin, the nose, the eyes.

_ "What does mom look like?" _

_ "Well, son, she looks a lot like you." _

"What should I call you then?" Krolia asks, and Keith wants to scream.

"I'm a fellow Blade, that's it." Keith looks away. "We need to get back to base."

"Well then, Blade, I trust you can pilot us there."

He almost wants to crash the ship to prove her wrong.

* * *

About halfway back to base, Krolia manages to make contact with them.

_ "Was the weapon destroyed?" _ Keith can hear Kolivan ask.

"Even the weapon has not been defeated by enemy forces, it will have no way of leaving the planet on its own."

_ "The mission was to  _ destroy  _ the weapon." _

Keith can't hear Krolia's response, just that it's low and that she hisses it out. 

He focuses on flying. Flying is his peace; it's second nature. Quiznak, it's the only thing that’s keeping him grounded right now.

New coordinates pop up on the screen.

"Kolivan needs us to do a recon assignment before we head back to base."

Of course he does.

Keith grunts, and changes course.

* * *

The yellow glow reminds him of the wormhole that took them to an alternate reality.

Even from the asteroids this far out from the anomaly, it's a strange sensation. The quintessence readings are off the charts, and he feels a strange warmth emanating from it in the otherwise cold stillness of space.

It's as eerie as it is comforting.

It's only natural for things to go wrong.

"Previous recon missions log the anomaly as increasing in size by five units per varga." Krolia says. "This is rising ten times that per  _ tick _ , unsteadily."

Keith doesn't need to see the readings to know that. He can feel it, on his skin, it feels like he's back in the desert, with the heat beating down against his skin and the dry desert air cracking his lips. He's staring into the sun at high noon, no shade in sight.

And then it burns.

"We need to go now." Keith says, and activates his jets.

"Wait!" Krolia shouts, barely louder than the heat in his ears. "It's going to-!"

There's no sound, but he can feel it go supernova, and there's this flash of white light and for a second he sees nothing but the red of force field as he flies into it at top speed-

"Keith!" 

There's a large yank in his arm, and suddenly he's being pulled in to different directions. A vacuum sucking him in and a vice holding him tight. 

Just when he thinks he's about to tear in two, the pull stops, and he comes crashing into Krolia.

"Keith, Keith are you alright?" She asks, holding him upright.

Keith shoves himself away before he's even got his bearings, and he probably looks pretty pathetic.

"That's not my name." Keith grounds out. "Not to you."

"It is the name I gave you!" Krolia's voice is stone 

"It's the name you left me with." Keith spats.

He activates his leg jetpacks and blasts off.

* * *

There are five stages of grief.

Denial.

Anger.

Anger.

Anger.

Rage.

* * *

"You knew."

Keith spats out the words before he's even down the ramp of the ship.

"I had a suspicion." Kolivan says.

Keith shakes. "For how long?"

Kolivan is silent for a moment that feels too long, that feels a little bit like guilt. "Since I you unlocked the Blade."

Keith wants nothing more than to throw himself at his mentor, to kick and scream and punch and let out all his anger.

But he has a different war to fight.

"I'm going to file my report." Keith says, and as soon as he's out of sight, he runs.

* * *

She finds him in the infirmary. He's got a pain in his shoulder, probably a torn ligament from the blast. There's also the would on his head from getting taken down in the facility.

It's just him in there when she enters. He's more Earthan than he is Galran, so there's no one who can help him with his wounds by himself.

"We need to have this conversation." Krolia says, and Keith tenses. "I've been waiting seventeen years for this."

"Twenty."

"What?"

"It's been twenty years." Keith clenches a fist. "I only ever got so much information about you, and one was you were gone before I was even a year old."

She forgot how long she'd been gone. Did she assume that if she ever came back to him a smiling baby would be waiting for her? 

"I had to leave Earth before my presence drew too much attention to the planet." Krolia said. "I knew you'd be okay with your father. If I could have stayed longer-"

She shut up as soon as Keith turned and locked eyes with her. Is that what he'd look like if he were full Galra? Yellow sclera and purple skin?

"I haven't seen dad in twelve years." The words were like a bullet out of Keith's mouth, and the shot was too much for him to handle. "He left me, just like you did."

Krolia was still. "You've been... alone, all this time?"

_ "I'm Takashi Shirogane. But everyone calls me Shiro." _

_ "Patience yields focus. You can do this Keith." _

_ "You're my best friend - you can't get rid of me that easily." _

_ "I want you there at the launch with me." _

_ P I L O T  E R R O R P I L O T  E R R O R _

_ "Sorry I had to step in there..." _

He can't answer her question when he doesn't know the answer himself.

"I need more time." Keith blurts out. It's been bubbling under the surface the whole time - the desire to cave in and ask questions and pretend that this is a happy reunion and that everything is alright and that he's finally found what he's been looking for and he can just rest- "I can't think right now."

The pounding from his head wound doesn't make it easier. The blood is tacky on his skin and it's always a sensation that's put him off balance.

"That is... I can be patient." Krolia says. "Whenever you're ready."

She goes.

  
  
  


Keith cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being on this journey w me
> 
> time to die on friday. im setting an alarm for 3am


End file.
